Bryce Harper Signs With Not The San Francisco Giants: A Eulogy

Here lies the San Francisco Giants hopes of signing Bryce Harper. Our time together in this world was brief, but we will carry the memories with us forevermore.

When you came into our lives we were deeply entrenched in a cold, cold stove. The stove was so cold and dark as we searched for warmth among the vastness of the world wide web for the smallest spark to thaw our frosted over Frigidaire free agent gas range. But as rumors began to surface, as mystery teams began to remove their masks, as San Francisco Giants fans began to lose hope; there you were. We were a mystery team. We were in the hunt. Terms were discussed. Our stove become warm.

Then the stove became hot. The Giants emerged as favorites. Even Bryce Harper’s home town Vegas odds had the Giants at 1/1 odds to sign number 34. A star was on the horizon. Giants fans could feel hope spring in our hearts. Bryce was going to be ours. He would be coming to save this franchise. The ultimate “rebuild on the fly” piece was coming to inspire optimism in a fan base that had fallen on hard times. We were overjoyed. Many fans anticipated some sort of grand announcement at FanFest. FanFest came and went and then, the rumor mill slowed to a halt.

Then speculation befell the Giants universe. And when speculation came, uncertainty followed closely behind. Although the stove was hot, the stove was dark. The lights went out, and Giants fans crawled around on their hands and knees in the dark twitterverse looking for any shred of evidence that hopes of Bryce Harper playing in a Giants uniform were still alive.

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Then on Tuesday new broke that Giants brass took a last minute trip to Las Vegas to meet with Bryce Harper’s people yet again. Hope had returned. The Phillies were still the favorite and the lowballing short-term deal offering Dodgers had also entered the picture.

But the Giants were right there on the cusp with a reported 10 year offering. Bryce could be within reach! But then on Wednesday, the Giants brass was back in Scottsdale, with no news. No updates! Where do we stand, Farhan?!

We looked to every blue check marked denizen for a sign. They were silent. Then desperation befell Giants fans. We deep google searched into 5th even 6th page results to see if any news had surfaced. We refreshed twitter often only to find “some guy who knows a guy who has a source that is close to the situation” tweet what we already knew to his 6 followers.

Then on a gloomy Thursday morning in February. A verified legitimate source tweeted:

Our hearts sank. The wind removed from our sails. Our hopes became extinguished. It was the Phillies. The team that was the favorite all along. The team with “stupid money” threw more stupid money at Bryce than the Giants were willing to give. It was over. He was gone. Off the market and into red pinstripes for the next 13 or so years.

Perhaps we hoped too big. We loved too much. We photoshopped too many photos. He’s gone now.  We must continue to retool without him and see where the rest of the free agency and trade market dominos fall. But we will always have that two weeks in February 2019. It felt like an eternity.