A San Francisco Giants Fan Guide to Rooting for the Rockies

As of yesterday, the San Francisco Giants have been statistically eliminated from playoff contention.

As of July (pretty much), the San Francisco Giants have been emotionally eliminated from the playoffs. So, while Giants fans look on and watch the remainder of a lame duck season play out, an incredibly exciting race for the playoffs continues to unfold for the remaining teams that are actually good at baseball.

I love playoff baseball, but as a fan without a horse in the race, who do I root for? It’s a tough question because the National League playoff picture is jam packed with incredibly hateable teams with punchable fan bases. The Dodgers? Absolutely not. There is no way I will every throw my support behind the Dodgers. Not only do they suck, but even when they are playing well, they suck and I hate them.

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The Cubs? I thought their fans would finally shut up after they got ONE World Series title, but they’re just as loud and blindly optimistic as anyone. Their pitching stinks and I would love to see them go into another hundred year championship drought much like any other sensible baseball fan. Their team is loaded with talent, but god I just hate them.

The Cardinals? No way. Matt Carpenter is nice. Paul de Jong seems cool. But for everyone of those guys, you get a Bud Norris or a Kolten Wong. I’ll pass. The Brewers? These guys are pretty nice. But I’m just not buying that they have what it takes to make a deep playoff run. Plus, they have new nemesis Jonathon Schoop. Hate the guy. You mean to tell me that moments after Madison Bumgarner hits Ryan Braun with a pitch ON PURPOSE this clown has to turn around and hit a grand slam off Bumgarner ON PURPOSE. That’s not how things work, sir. No thanks Brew Crew. The Braves? They’re fun and exciting, but they’re too young and they’re too Braves.

And who does that leave us with? That’s right, the Rockies. Writing this article is hard, but I have assessed the situation and this seems to be the only logical choice. The Rockies are a fun team for a Giants fans to watch because they are the antithesis of the Giants.

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They score runs (lots of runs). They play loose and seem to have fun out there. They’re also loaded with studs. It may not be easy to root for all of these guys, but they are very hard to root against. I mean, Charlie Blackmon is a guy that has combined three of the “douchiest” haircuts into one cranial monstrosity, but somehow, it just works. I can’t hate a guy that makes such a bold hairstyle decision and manages to pull it off.

Nolan Arenado has such a prototypical jock-bully face, yet the guy is all heart and hustle. He plays amazing defense and he rakes. Remember that catch he made at AT&T where he ran into the tarp and didn’t tear his ACL/MCL/PCL/LCL? He kills the Giants, but I almost don’t mind because he is everything the Giants wish they had.

D.J. LeMahieu is a model of consistency and his name is nearly impossible to spell without looking up! Gotta love a guy like that! And then there’s Trevor Story. Story is emerging as one of the most exciting players in the game.

And remember the other week when Trevor Story was like, “I would like to be considered for the position of National League’s Most Valuable player.” And then Andrew Suarez was like, “Here ya go!” I mean who doesn’t love monstrous, bleacher-clearing dingers. Plus he plays solid defense and his turnaround from last season is something to root for. Sure their ball park sucks to play in and their pitching staff is suspect, but this is a fun team.

There you go. I have decided that I will throw my support behind the Colorado Rockies for the remainder of this season. Denver is a cool city and I know some cool people from there. It would be fun to see such a great place with such great people experience a deep playoff run and a potential shot at at title (they have no chance at a title). The Rockies are a fun bunch, and I just can’t find it in my heart to hate them. Plus, they are most definitely 420 friendly. So, bust out the vapes, it’s almost time for playoff baseball.