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San Francisco Giants: Is Chris Stratton Secretly Chris Heston In Disguise?

Nick San Miguel
PHOENIX, AZ - APRIL 18: Starting pitcher Chris Stratton #34 of the San Francisco Giants in the dugout during the eighth inning of the MLB game at Chase Field on April 18, 2018 in Phoenix, Arizona. (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)
PHOENIX, AZ - APRIL 18: Starting pitcher Chris Stratton #34 of the San Francisco Giants in the dugout during the eighth inning of the MLB game at Chase Field on April 18, 2018 in Phoenix, Arizona. (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)
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Chris Stratton has produced some solid results thus far for the San Francisco Giants in 2018. However, we all remember another guy named Chris from a few years back who emerged in his late 20s and made us think he was a staple of the rotation. So, one has to ask the question: is Chris Stratton actually Chris Heston?

Now, I’m not saying that he is, I’m just saying that I’ve never seen Stratton and Heston in the same room together. Or on the same roster for that matter. However, it’s undeniable the similarities that the two (possibly one) have shared in their career(s) are somewhat eerie.

Both were drafted when they were 21 by the Giants and spent a number of years in the minors grinding to try and get a shot at the show. When that time did come, both were called up to replace an injured Matt Cain.

What is strange is that their paths never crossed on the 25-man roster. The best chance for this to have occurred would’ve been in 2016. Heston started that year in the bullpen but was conveniently sent to Triple-A in April. A month later, Chris Stratton was added to the team.

I believe that Heston’s month in Triple A was the genesis for his transformation, his metamorphosis into something else. This was when he decided to put on the cowl as . . . Chris Stratton.

Heston probably felt that the expectations placed upon him after his no-hitter, which forever etched him into Giants lore, were too great to carry. He understood, as Commissioner Gordon did in Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight (with a slight variation) that Chris Heston was,”The pitcher San Francisco deserved, but not the one it needs right now.”

This means that Chris Heston could return one day as Batman did 8 years after the death of his love, Rachel, and Two-Face/Harvey Dent to defeat Bane. Obviously, the Dodgers are Joker so I think the equivalent of Bane would be the Diamondbacks.

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Heston of course is back in the organization after spending last year with the Mariners and Twins. Currently he is “on the D.L.”, but we all know what that really means.

Heston is laying in the cut, waiting for the right time to reprise his previous identity. It will all happen rather inauspiciously too. Stratton will strain his oblique and go on the D.L. Then, seemingly out of nowhere we’ll find that Chris Heston has been pitching great in Triple-A. He’ll get called up to the majors and Stratton will be moved to the 60 day D.L. without much fanfare and no eyebrows raised. Except for mine, I’m onto you Chris Heston/Stratton.

Of course, I’d be remiss if I didn’t address the fact that if Chris Heston really is Chris Stratton, then he undoubtedly has the worst alias/disguise in the history of secret identities or just a very mild case of split personality disorder.

This would blow Clark Kent and his measly pair of glasses out of the water. If it is true (and I’m surprised that the Pavlovics, Baggarlys, and Schulmans of the world aren’t looking into this more) then it’s clear that Heston put very little effort into his new identity.

I mean, he would’ve kept his first name and changed his last name to something very similar which is just downright lazy. He wouldn’t have even had the decency or intuition to shave his beard or grow a mullet or . . . something, anything! Well, I guess he would’ve changed his number from 53 to 34. So that’s something at least.

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Whatever the case may be, it’s clear that there’s not quite enough concrete evidence at the present time to indict Mr. Heston/Stratton, although I hope that I’ve raised your eyebrow as high as mine towards this mysterious conundrum. All we can hope is that if Heston really is Stratton, he has more longevity in his success than his previous identity did. Or in the instance more tethered to reality in which they’re two separate people, let us hope that Stratton does not fade away as Heston did.

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