The San Francisco Giants are bad. You know that. The Giants know that.
But for some reason, you and the San Francisco Giants are going to hope that the Giants will magically become good again next year. What’s the fun in that? Sure, I like to dream, but I’m a pragmatist at heart. And my heart is telling me that no matter how much the Giants kick and scream, they’ll still be a below-average baseball team next year.
You may disagree, and I understand the counterpoint: Hey man, they just got unlucky this year. Unlucky in that just about every single player under-performed. Sure, let’s chalk it up to luck. That’s a convenient thing to blame things on.
An argument can be made for the magic 2018 rebound of the Giants, but I ain’t buying it. So let’s not concern ourselves with wins or losses, let’s have fun. What kind of fun do you mean? Well I’m glad you asked. All the fun in the world my dear boy!
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Let’s say the fan base of the Giants instigated a coup against Bobby Evans and named me as the General Manager. My strategy for 2018 would boil down to two words: nostalgia trip.
That’s right! Keep Pablo, sign Timmy, make Brian Wilson the closer. Oh it’ll be grand! I’d bring back every single player from the 2010, ’12, and ’14 World Series rosters. They’d all be a part of the team in some way, shape, or form.
That means cutting all non-World Series players. Of course, as GM it is my obligation to put the best possible product on the field, so the roster would look roughly like this:
- Petit LRP
- Mota MRP
- Casilla MRP
- Lopez MRP
- Affeldt SU
- Romo SU
- Wilson CP (I miss the beard and I want to see his knuckleball)
Starting Day Lineup:
- Pagan CF
- Panik 2B
- Belt 1B
- Posey C
- Crawford SS
- Pence RF
- Duffy 3B
- Blanco LF
- Pitcher’s Spot
- Sandoval IF
- Arias IF
- Ishikawa OF
- Morse OF
- Hector Sanchez C
Now I’m sure you have some objections. It really pained me to leave some guys on the cutting room floor.
I left Tim Hudson and Jonathan Sanchez out of the rotation. This was due to Hudson being out of the game for a few years and Sanchez disappearing from the face of the Earth. Last I heard, Peavy was having some money troubles but he could still make a serviceable starter perhaps. I really thought about Hudson. He pitched phenomenally in Game 2 of the 2014 NLDS (the 18 inning game), but as GM, sometimes you got to go with your gut.
Yes, I left out Barry Zito too. He’s a hero, but I think his talents could be better suited as the Giants’ house band. I’d love to see him in the dugout just strumming some tunes, keeping morale high, until Mad Bum decides he’s heard enough and breaks the guitar over his knee. Or maybe he could use it as a bat.
I went with Guillermo Mota over Kontos, Machi, Strickland, Jose Mijares, and Ramon Ramirez simply because he was the only one on two championship teams. Also because he has an amazing name. I thought about bumping him due to his PED usage, but that’s never stopped us from embracing past players. Who cares that he’s 44, he’s better than half the guys in the current bullpen.
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The lineup seems fairly justified. That was basically the 2015 lineup.
The bench is missing some notables: Huff, Freddy Sanchez, Scutaro, Cody Ross. Don’t worry, half the team will get injured in Spring Training because they’re all geezers. So if you were dying to see Ryan Theriot out at second, in due time we’ll see all of them.
Sandoval is there because despite him forgetting how to hit the ball in the present, he was once a beast. Ah the good ole days.
Arias is there because I love Joaquin Arias and so should you. Remember in Game 3 of the NLDS in the top of the 10th when he hustled out an infield single to give the Giants the lead and keep the season alive? I do. I’ll never forget it.
Notice how Ishikawa is an OF, that was very intentional. I want the 2014 Ishikawa on my team. More specifically the 2014 NLCS Game 5 bottom of the 9th 3-0 count Ishikawa on my team.
Picking a catcher was tough. I settled on Sanchez with one precondition: the opposing pitcher is to wear a Giants uniform every time Sanchez steps in the box. He’ll be hitting dingers day and night. It’s genius, why didn’t the Giants think of this years ago?
I don’t want all the guys who didn’t make this super exclusive (and might I add, stacked) team to be bumming around in Sacramento though. They’ll be very involved in the games. Mike Fontenot can be an attendant at the Coke bottle slide making sure kids don’t cut in line. Pat Burrell and Aubrey Huff will be permanent ball boys. Xavier Nady can hang up the K signs in right field. Maybe Nate Schierholtz can have a slightly less cool alter-ego than Bruce Wayne by donning the Lou Seal costume at night. Hey, maybe even Eli Whiteside could be a bullpen catcher. I think that’d suit him very well.
See, it’ll be a blast! A big, happy, year long family reunion. Let’s not worry about it when this team only wins 14 games. It’ll be fun. That’s what baseball is supposed to be right?