San Francisco Giants: Tim Lincecum’s dog, Cy, will replace batboy

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Unconfirmed reports out of Scottsdale, Arizona, indicate that the San Francisco Giants intend to unveil more than just a starting lineup behind ace Madison Bumgarner, next Monday, down in the desert against the Arizona Diamondbacks. They plan to reveal the latest cost-saving measure: replacing the batboys with dogs-specifically, and here’s where the savings come in-with Tim Lincecum‘s French bulldog, Cy.

It’s not that the batboys themselves demand high salaries because most of the time they are the players’ kids, or the coaches’ kids or they belong to somebody in the Giants organization. But the uniforms, and good Lord! The amount of food those teenagers can eat is insane. Furthermore, since it has been reported that Timmy takes Cy with him to all of his games, there will be no transportation costs involved.

If you ask me where I got this unconfirmed report, allow me to assure you it was from an impeccable source, a guy who works for Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer.

Source? Who is my source? If you must know, it was Dozer, the English bulldog.

When I asked how he knew, he told me that he had seen Chris and Timmy throwing baseballs to Cy, and he figured it out by himself. Pretty smart guy, I’d say.

Anyway, as many of you are aware, Timmy and his father, Chris, have been working all winter long, putting in approximately fifty bullpen sessions. What you may not be aware of, is that in addition to working with Timmy, Chris may also be renowned for his work with dogs. So why wouldn’t the Giants consider commissioning Chris to train Cy, to be able to retrieve the balls just as efficiently as the batboys? It makes so much sense.

Jun 26, 2014; San Francisco, CA, USA; San Francisco Giants starting pitcher Tim Lincecum (55) on the bench in the dugout during the first inning against the Cincinnati Reds at AT&T Park. Mandatory Credit: Bob Stanton-USA TODAY Sports

Additionally, reportedly Cy has a custom trailer attached, into which not just two or three, but rather, four baseballs can be placed, so that Cy can keep the home plate umpire supplied with the requisite number of balls.

It was a natural! Reportedly it took no more than seven sessions, which in dog school means 49, to accomplish the task. Coincidentally, Timmy’s 50 sessions were just one more than those required for Cy, so it all worked out splendidly. I can’t wait to see Cy race out to retrieve a ball to the backstop.

Especially if it just got past the opponent’s catcher and Cy is now playing keep-away.

Wait. Dozer’s not an acceptable source? Oh heck. That makes this whole story a hoax, I guess. Happy April Fool’s Day everyone. I hope your day is as fun as Cy’s day will be next Monday!

Dozer was the informant on Cy the French bulldog.