Six Pack With That Balls Outta Here

1) Alright, the Phillies are in the playoffs :nojix: – who scares you the most out of the potential playoff teams? Braves? Giants? Brewers? Cardinals? Pirate…oh nevermind on the last one.

Well, the thing about being knocked out of the playoffs is that everything scares me now.  And not just in baseball.  Stray cats climbing out of recyclings bins; children asking me for directions; the sound that traffic lights make at intersections to alert blind people that it’s okay to cross.  I’m just living life horrified, all the time.  In that vein, I’d say the Phillies scare me the most.  They can beat all those teams.  But they’ve proven they can lose to just about anybody too.  And I swear to god that car has been following me since I left my house.

2) Your turn on the infamous Carlos Beltran. With Ibanez starting to hit (sorta) and Brown/Victorino filling the remaining OF spots, is there even room for Carlos and is he worth the cost of the upgrade, assuming he is one? Or are you riding the BJ Upton train?

I don’t want to see Beltran as a Phillie because 1.  He’s a Met  2.  I hate him  3.  He’ll just get hurt 4.  We probably gave up more than we should have to get him 5.  He’ll just leave.
I just hate him so much.

3) What’s your take on the feel good story of Ryan Vogelsong? Will you be watching the Lifetime movie about it? And how much do you want to kill your scouting department for cutting him?

Yeah, the Phillies are in pretty dire need of starting pitching, so the fact that Ryan Vogelsong isn’t here is pretty notable.

4) Pat’s or Geno’s?

Look, if you come to Philly, and you’re hungry, there are some pretty quality food trucks on Temple campus.  This Pat’s/Geno’s thing has been played out to death.  I’m not asking you how the seal meat is out there in the Bay Area.

5) Quick – there’s a fire. No wait, there’s an apocalypse. Yeah. One of those. You have to save Brad Lidge, Joe Blanton, or Brian Wilson from epic death. Who do you play hero to?

Well, if I’m thinking in terms of who possesses the best survival skills, I’d pick Joe Blanton.  Dude’s from Kentucky.  Instead of toll booths they have deer-gutting stations.  Brad’s a good guy, but he’d probably hurt his ankle early on and slow us all down and then we’d have to draw straws to see who’d get to mercy kill him.  And I’m not sure how useful “wackiness” would be in a post-apocalyptic  setting so Wilson’s a goner.

6) Between Oswalt and Polanco, which injury is more worrisome for the Phillies in the long run? Are you concerned that one or both may not be themselves come fall and if so, will it even matter?

Polanco?  I guess?  Because he could be an offensive threat, theoretically, like he was at the beginning of the year.  Offense can always use a boost.  Pitching I feel like we have down pretty well, and to be honest, I thought RoyO was done with baseball after his last exit.  He apparently is coming back, so we’ll see how that all goes.  Then again if this apocalypse you’re talking about happens then we won’t have to make tough decisions like this.