Season in Review: Ryan Theriot YEAAAAAAA YEAAA WOOo

Imagine if you will, you’re a Major League Baseball player. You aren’t even six feet tall, and you’re brought on to be a professional ball bench player at 32 (now 33) years young, yet you find yourself in two World Series parades two years in a row after starting your career with the Chicago Cubs. Your name? Ryan Theriot. I remember I was in my car checking my Twitter feed when the news came out that Theriot had signed with the Giants. I thought he’d be pretty good for a bench role, but Freddy Sanchez‘s body happened to be made of the finest delicate material known to man, so Theriot nearly had 400 PA this season, and I can’t tell you how many times I sat near someone at a game who said, “Now would be a good time for his first homerun, huh!” Shut up. Sure he could do it in batting practice, but if Emmanuel Burriss could hit it to the outfield in batting practice, you think it really means a whole lot? Of course not. Theriot was the regular at 2B until Pablo Sandoval got healthy in Mid-August and they totally gave up on Charlie Culberson for old man Marco Scutaro in late July (who would shift to 2B with Panda healthy), who by the way totally didn’t do anything for the Giants.*

Theriot’s lines for 2011 and 2012 were pretty similar, no matter what stats you like using: 2011 had a slash line of .271/.321/.342 and 2012 a .270/.316/.321 with an OPS+ of 85, and 84, respectively. Sure, Theriot had 99 more PA in 2011, but the Giants got who they thought they were getting, with Theriot, often given the “TOOTBLAN” by fans (“thrown out on the bases like a nincompoop,” for those wondering). Ryan Theriot accumulated a 0.0 fWAR in 2012.

Here’s what you will remember about Ryan Theriot: He was the DH in Game 4 of the 2012 World Series. The DH. Bruce Bochy basically said, out of all the guys he had on the bench, Theriot was the best man for the job. That was kind of a laughable notion, but because of baseball, it worked out. It was his only start in the 2012 Postseason, and it led to this:

So let this be a lesson to you: if you lack faith in the man they call “Theriot” he will hair whip you, and you will be ashamed in your ridicule. Your team will win a World Championship if he is on your bench, and you will feel very happy. Theriot’s contract is finished and his time could be done with the Giants, so maybe Ned Coletti will offer him a 2-year deal. We’ll see where he ends up, but that video shows he will forever be a part of Giants lore, and our children will wonder what ever happened to the screaming man on our very outdated HDTV.

* — did everything